The A-Z of Parenthood

A is for Appetite: How on earth can someone so little eat so much?

B is for Bribery: See my Parenting Bribery 101 for more details, in summary this is the daily saviour.

C is for Curiosity: Be prepared to answer an average of 8586 questions per day.  Kids are really curious, have google at the ready, a half arsed answer will not suffice.

D is for Danger: There is danger literally everywhere.  This is worse as a first time mum.

E is for Elocution: Kids may be able to talk but their pronunciation leaves much to be desired.  Prepare for some hilarious moments (hopefully not in public).  For my niece socks are co*ks apparently.  Can anyone find another hilariously rude slant on this one? Or is it just me with a mind in the gutter?

F is for Farts: Call them what you will, they are ‘Botty Pops’ in our house, Kids find them hilarious, always.  The louder the better, they have no sense of embarrassment.

G is for Grey:  Parenthood bought with it the first of many grey hairs! Oh and eyebrows… fml.

H is for Hair Washing: Who knew such an innocuous part of washing could be such a drama?

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I is for Imagination: Kids have the most vivid imagination.  Sometimes, just to keep you on your toes, they will balance this with being the most literal people around.

J is for Jealousy: Kids seem to have a large amount of jealousy.  Cuddles given to Hubby, Toddler needs cuddles too.  Sibling has something, Toddler needs something too.  They simply cannot bare to feel left out.

K is for Kisses: Give them lots and lots of kisses.  They won’t let you for long and who doesn’t like to know they are loved?

L is for Love:  One of the most amazing parts of being a parent is the love you feel and receive in return, it is absolutely indescribable.

M is for Mother: It doesn’t matter if you are a Mum or a Dad your own Mother will suddenly make so much more sense to you.  Be prepared to apologise for your past indiscretions.

N is for Normal: Whatever you used to think was normal will be different as a parent.  Accept it and embrace it the new normal.

O is for Organisation: Not everyone is naturally organised, if you aren’t then get organised.  It will help no end.

P is for Poo:  There is no greater expert in the types, colours and consistencies of poo than a parent.

Q is for Quiet:  Say goodbye to the quiet.  You will spend all day craving it and then when the little ones are in bed asleep you will miss them and their noise.  Plus everyone who owns a toddler knows silence is dangerous not golden.

R is for Repetitive: Nothing can be done once. Everything you do or say that involves the toddler will be repeated over and over and over….

S is for Snot:  Children just seem to have a constant stream of snot! Even in the summer!

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T is for Tears:  There will be lots and lots of tears, unfortunately it will probably be at a 50:50 ratio between yours and the childs.

U is for Ups:  There are so many downs in parenthood, often due to lack of sleep and short fuses, it is important to appreciate and savour the ‘Ups’ when they come.

V is for Volume:  Kids seem to need everything in large volume.  Nappies, snacks, toys, clothes, you name it there will be lots of it!

W is for Waistline:  Say goodbye to it! Mums and Dads!  I’m not saying forever, of course if you put it a ridiculous amount of effort you can probably get close to a pre-child waistline.  But don’t try too hard because even if you achieve it you will suddenly realise your arse has sagged 3 inches! (I speak from experience)

X is for Xylophone:  Why on earth is this noisy toy available and aimed at toddlers? Seriously! Also if they drop the sodding thing on my foot one more time I’m going to find the person who made it and shove it where the sun doesn’t shine.

Y is for Yelling:  You will do your best not to yell.  Every fibre of your being will go into not yelling.  At some point you will break and you will yell.  It may not be at the child, it may not be at your partner, but you will yell.  Chin up! Move on! It happens to the best of us.

Z is for Zzzzz’s of Sleep:  Never again will you get into a decent deep sleep, it’s simply part of being a parent.  You will sleep, but you will always sleep with one ear open.

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Winnettes

A Mummy to Ellie (4) and Trixie (2), blogging about Family, our Lifestyle & Baking. I am completely Pinterest and Instagram obsessed. Currently finding my feet as a new school mum and staying alive courtesy of coffee.

37 thoughts on “The A-Z of Parenthood”

  1. Great post. I recently apologised to my parents for being so pedantic as a child, my son is the same and it is driving me up the wall!
    #Bigpinklink

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I love this post Kirsty and can relate to so many of your A-Zs. Hair washing happens every 3 weeks now as it’s just too painful for everyone. Seriously, I’m surprised no-one has called child services yet. I always have hankies up my sleeve (and remnants of them in my washing machine) from constantly wiping snot. I love E for Elocution and we shouldn’t get our girls together. Gabriella speaks French so shouts COQ whenever she sees a rooster and FOQUE for sea lion. We’ve got no hope LOL #globalblogging

    Liked by 1 person

    1. In her defence she is speaking in french… You can’t help they their language has some rude sounding words to a british ear. Of course that won’t help the inevitable embarassment whilst out in public 😉 xx

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  3. As the parent of a nearly nine month old I guess I have a lot of these to look forward to!

    I can however relate to poo, snot and in particular farts. However in my house it’s me that finds them hilarious, the baby has no clue why I’m laughing at him!

    #bigpinklink

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Great list – it’s so right! I get so fed-up with chasing my toddler round with a tissue before the snot ends up on some washing or the sofa; I usually fail I think an addition S you could add is ‘stealth’. You really do learn how to sneak up and catch them off guard to wipe noses, apply cream or get your phone back! #fortheloveofBLOG

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  5. Love this! I think the sleeping one really resonates with me at the moment, seems to be my battle every week! I can’t wait until my son gets older and is able to express his feelings with actual words. The snot thing is also an issue in my house, he absolutely hates when I wipe his nose, cries without fail. Who would’ve thought that would be such a big deal! Thanks for the laugh and sharing with #GlobalBlogging!

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Oh, the snot – no-one warned me about the snot! It doesn’t matter if he’s got a cold or not, the snot is constant! And my mum tells me that the farting is a boy thing (she had two girls) – I knew she was making that up!! I do seem to remember I hated having my hair washed too – I love it now! Thanks for joining us again at #SharingtheBlogLove

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Fab post, I loved reading this. I completely agree with you on point “P” and think I am also an expert in that field. I hope that my daughter understand eventually what a cuddle and kiss is, I’m trying to educate her but she’s not quite cottoned on yet. Thanks for linking up at #fortheloveofBLOG. Claire x

    Liked by 1 person

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